The art of walking; how Normans are doing it wrong


Guy Ginsberg sports editor
(The above Gif is essential to the understanding of this satirical article, please take a second to view it)
The art of walking is one that is understood at quite a young age, and is perfected rather quickly during adolescence. If done correctly, walking serves the purpose of getting someone from one place to another, to put it simply. However, if done incorrectly, walking can not only be a hinderance to the walker, but a nuisance to other walkers.

Selfish pedestrians earn glares from the effected. Photo by: GUY GINSBERG
Selfish pedestrians earn glares from the effected. Photo by: GUY GINSBERG

The above GIF showcases how, at such a young age, one is able to gather the strength, balance and courage to walk, a feat that rarely goes unapplauded. The young girl, however, while not an excellent walker in her own right, has years to perfect her strides before anyone will really be affected, or annoyed, by her missteps.
However, what is both shocking and terrifying to me is the fact that a large portion of Beverly students, who have been walking for over half their life, have simply no idea how to be a caring pedestrian. What I’m talking about is the art of generous walking, the kind that makes walking around the hallways easy for those around us.
The Rule of the Right

  • First thing’s first. Always walk on the right side. If everybody walks on the right side, nobody will ever walk directly into another person. It’s science; think about it. And not only around the halls, that goes for stairs, too.

Cellular Pedestrianism

  • Please don’t text and walk. Don’t “Snap” and walk, don’t “Tweet” and walk and, for God’s sakes, please don’t “Insta-walk”. Odds are, if your head is down facing your phone, you have not a clue the direction you are walking or the speed at which you are walking. And, odds are, you are walking at an incredibly slow pace directly toward oncoming traffic.

The Rule of Threes

  • If you plan to walk from place to place with a group of friends, please take into consideration the amount of space you take up horizontally in the hallways. Two people walking side by side is often acceptable, but three will most likely take up too much space, offering very limited space for bypassing faster walkers. My suggestion: walk in a triangle/square formation, or get fewer friends. It’s your choice.

The Meetup

  • We all know the scenario, you’re walking along to class, minding your own business, and you catch a glimpse of your best friend walking down the same hall in the opposite direction. You know that at one point you will be meeting them in the center, but what will you do? Do you stop directly in the middle of the hallway and have an inappropriately long conversation, or do you flash them a simple hello and a fist bump or hug and go on your way? I recommend the latter, because if you choose the former, you are a selfish walker.

These are some of the problems that Beverly’s generous walkers face every day. We all see these things going on in the halls and staircases and we are all bothered by it. However, for those few that have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about or have never witnessed a case of selfish walking, congratulations, you are a selfish walker.
However, if you can relate to what you have read here, then that means that you are most likely a generous walker, strolling your way from class to class, just trying to keep your cool every time you swerve out the way of a “cellular pedestrian”, get halted by an unexpected meetup, or need to suffer through a left/right conundrum on the Science Building stairs. But if there is anything to take away from your phenomenal pedestrianism, it’s that you can take solace in knowing you are always one step ahead.